


Wolves without Teeth

by GoodbyeLeo (Kozmotittspitchiner)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Established Relationship, General, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, non-au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-25
Updated: 2015-11-25
Packaged: 2018-05-03 09:50:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5286107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kozmotittspitchiner/pseuds/GoodbyeLeo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Love who loves you back. He remembers that one saying correctly."<br/>Tao struggles with being in China.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wolves without Teeth

He's sitting at the bottom of his bed, his upper body spread across it, arm stretched out, phone loosely lying close to his fingers, curled up. The stretch of his back aches, but it's a good kind of pain, the edge of the bed pressing into his otherwise empty stomach. Closing his eyes, he sees the same pictures of the nightmare he had the night before.

At first it feels like he's chasing after a pack of wolves, but as time passes and exhaustion hits him, he realizes that he's really running from them. When he grows too tired to run, they're tearing into him, but their gums bear no teeth. He surrenders, eventually, and it feels like coming home.  
He's been thinking this should be easy. That this was coming home, that China was and always had been his home. But being here, he feels like a black egg – what was the saying – like... He can't find the _correct_ saying, the Chinese one. He's not Chinese anymore, even though that's what his passport and pride says, but he's not Korean either. When a wolf leaves his pack, or is abandoned by it, he eventually becomes an omega. Omegas eat trash, and then they die.

In his sleepy, negative daze, the vibration of his phone seems like a hummingbird, and when he closes his fingers around it he's surprised he doesn't feel fluttering wings against his palm. He picks up automatically, greeting in Chinese.

“Tao?”

It's Xiumin, and he smiles. “Baozi.” He says, voice stretching around the edges of each syllable. Stretching too much.

“Babe, hey. 'you been sleeping?”

“Nahh.”

“Yes, you did.”

“Naaaah.” This makes Xiumin giggle, and for the first time today he feels a bit of an appetite.

“If you're not sleeping, what are you doing?”

“Running from wolves...”

“Okay, so I take that as 'I've been taking drugs because I miss my boyfriend so much'.”

Boyfriend. The word stings, because it's not really them anymore. Xiumin has his schedule, he's busy. Tao, too, but he's always keeping an eye on his phone, making excuses to take calls even when he's with staff, while it feels like he's never really Xiumin's priority. He's been telling himself that's SM's influence for weeks, that he's really just busy, but lying around in his dull one person apartment, his phone always at hand when he's not having a schedule, he started to feel a sense of abandonment and injustice that he really can't fight. If Xiumin cared, he'd make more room for him in his life. Right?

“Tao, you there?”

“Yeah.”

“Aish, you worry me, really, what are you doing? I woke you from a nap, right? It's okay, we can just phone another day.”

“Just phone another day.” He repeats emptily.

“Yeah? Sleepy time is important for your health and you need to take care of yourself.”

“It'd be okay to just phone another day?”

Xiumin laughs, again. “Yes, I told you it would be.”

“Xiumin?”

“What is it? Wanna sleep? Bye bye, babe, goodnight, I lo-”

“--I'm breaking up with you.” Tao is not sure where it comes from, but clenching and hurting before, his heart suddenly turned to stone. He's not feeling anything anymore, so this has to be the right decision. If Xiumin is fine with 'just another day', his suspicions were right all along.

“What??”

“Don't ever call or text me again.” With that, he ends the call, the consequences of what he just did not entirely clear to him. He knows he doesn't have to do this to himself, though. Love who loves you back. He remembers that one saying correctly. Sitting up, he switches his phone off. When that still doesn't feel good, he tries to open it to remove the battery. The shell won't open, but he keeps trying and keeps trying until aggression consumes his brain and he gets up to just crush it under his heel, the noises escaping him low and desperate. Omegas eat trash and then they die. He reminds himself and kicks the remains of the phone he bought together with Jongin and Jongdae underneath his bed. He climbs on it and just stays like this until the sun sets and he's wrapped up in darkness.

His manager comes over at about 7:30PM. It's only then that he remembers his appointment and forces himself to get up. When he gets ready in the bathroom, he feels like he's washing someone else's face and putting BB crème on someone else after brushing someone else's teeth. When he leaves the multistory building, he feels like someone else is putting on a smile and waving for the paparazzi.

He's not even completely aware what he's saying when he's being interviewed. He's just saying things that sound and feel right, and while there's a wolf without his pack inside of him that needs food and his mate and the warmth of home, everyone's praising him.

He comes home again without actually remembering the way back, and when he lies down on his bed he feels like a thousand eyes are still watching him from the ceiling and he doesn't want to fall asleep because he dreads what follows, because he dreads the moment of waking up and thinking he'd find Xiumin a few centimeters apart from him, thinking his brothers are already up and fighting over clothes in the bathroom. So he stays awake.

He makes it through the night, somehow, just like that. He didn't lie down to die. He survived, out here in the wild. Damn, it's like his mind is frayed and as he sits up, a dizzy spell hits him, black dots flickering in front of his vision. Suddenly he feels like gluing his phone back together again to check whether Xiumin tried to call him again, just for that short moment of satisfaction, for that moment of feeling a little less ostracized. He scrambles to the end of the bed, but when he sees the leftovers of his phone, he also sees that it'd be pointless.

When his manager comes over again to take him to his next schedule, a photo shoot, he shows him the mess he's made. Lowering his head, his manager makes an unintelligible noise and confirms that there's no way of saving it. There's no time to go pick up a new one before they have to go, either.

He just accepts the news and comes along. The make up auntie easily covers up his dark under eye circles, but she complains that these are the blackest eye bags she's seen so far and asks what they've been feeding him in Korea. Yeah, Korea. Smiling, he replies that he's always been a panda, and she coos, completely fine with that answer.

Even as his day continues with a little interview, nobody asks questions. No real questions, anyway. 'How do you keep yourself so lean and slender? Your body looks fantastic!' Depression, would be the real answer, but since it's not a real question it doesn't require a real answer and he just says that he eats rice because nothing else comes to his mind and the interviewer laughs at him because that's what everybody else eats and because he needed so long to say something as simple as this, and asks if he's generally simple minded. How do you reply to a question like that? He just nods, smiles and sheepishly says 'maybe' and the question is done with. Afterward his manager scolds him because the headline will probably be 'simple minded Tao speaks about diet secrets – he only eats rice!' but he doesn't care enough to make excuses.

He still wants to get a new phone, but the sun already sets again and his manager tells him it's too late and he needs sleep so his terrible eye bags are gone. As he enters the multistory building of his apartment, he's shoved inside really quickly because a little crowd has formed. Fans. He overhears Korean talking as he's urged along and his heart performs a painful little drum solo because it sounds so much like the home that has betrayed him. Before he's left alone, he's told not to go look outside the window because it would cause him 'too much inner turmoil'. They're right, essentially, and he drops himself on his bed again, finding the phone he fished out from underneath it on his nightstand. It reminds him of Xiumin and he rolls up on his side, holding it tight in his hands as if that could fix it. He lies there like that for a while, hearing quiet chants from outside. He's not sure if he's really hearing 'come home, come home' or if that's what he feels like he should hear. It's obscene, but the steady sound of people that really care for him causes him to doze off a little.

Then, there's screaming. Why is there screaming? To his dazed, frayed mind those are noises of danger, of violence even, so he shoots upright, ignores the dizziness that prompts and opens the curtains in panic. The crowd forms a circle around something, someone, in a parka. That someone is wearing a big furry hood, so he can't fully see who it is until the hood is taken off.

He'd acknowledge that person even if there was a million people standing there.

Xiumin holds up a sign. There's something written on it, but he's still a bit slow to pierce the signs together, so he opens the window, leaning out of it even though the wind immediately scorches him with the unforgiving cold of November. Xiumin shouts something, but he can't hear well. He feels desperation making his stomach clench, the earlier panic threatening to return, but then the fans waiting outside repeat it in one, loud voice:

“This is no call or text, so I hope you will listen.”

He knows what that refers to immediately and he rubs his arms, feeling himself nod subconsciously. He can't fully grasp what's happening just yet.

“There is no other day if there is no you.”

Again, he nods, unable to move or shout something back because this feels too unreal, like a scene out of a movie someone like him wouldn't get to be the protagonist of.

“I will always be there to make sure...” Xiumin almost drops the sign in the attempt to change it quickly, giving the fans a moment to cheer loudly, and for the first time Tao is looking at their faces as well, all looking up at him with the same hopeful glance.

“....you eat well....” they repeat, and Xiumin changes the sign.

“...you sleep well...” he changes it again.

“And to love you, even if we're countries apart.”

Xiumin changes the sign and he can immediately read this one: it's a sad face, drawn with a lot of tears and the biggest downwards line. To accompany it, Xiumin makes his sad Baozi face.

“I'm sorry!!!” Xiumin shouts and he can hear it clearly this time. Apparently his management has been notified about the ruckus and he can see a familiar black car arrive. They tell the fans that the police has been alerted and that the residents are bothered by the noise through a megaphone. The crowd panics, and suddenly he can't see Xiumin anymore. As if he is controlled by a remote from afar, he slams the window shut, gets a sweater jacket he pulls on and he's still barefoot as he slithers into the hallway and past other apartments, shooting into the elevator. His manager came to see him again, but he just roughly shoves his chest, making him stumble and fall as he elevator door closes in front of Tao. He'll have to apologize a thousand times later.

When the elevator door opens again, he's greeted by Xiumin's face. He pulls him inside, and Xiumin accidentally steps on his bare feet but it doesn't hurt and it doesn't matter, what matters is that he can feel his lips on his and wrap his arms around him.

“ _I'_ m sorry, Xiumin, it's me, I was stupid, I thought I didn't matter to you any more...” He mumbles into the fabric of Xiumin's parka, his body shook up by something like sobs, just that there are no tears that are falling. He's shaking and everything fades to black, even though his eyes are open. “Are you really here? Are you here? Xiumin...” If Xiumin replies, he doesn't hear it anymore.

When he wakes up, he's in a hospital bed. An infusion is attached to his hand, it stings when he raises it.

“That's just a salt solution, babe.” He hears Xiumin's voice say, so he looks into his direction. He smiles. Tao weakly mirrors that smile.

“What is this about Tao who eats only rice?” He quotes, eyes blown wide as he gestures at a magazine. “You didn't eat anything!! Otherwise, you'll be fine, you just need rest.”

“...I can get some rest now...easier than back in the day...but Xiumin, is it okay for you to be here?”

Xiumin shakes his head, but he's smiling again. “No, no it's not, not really, but it's still fine. I couldn't let this go. I was so worried, and turns out I was right. Never ever do this to me again, do you hear me?? I know it's hard to phone in between schedules, but don't pull a stunt like this! Eat well, and sleep, all of us miss you and love you, but you did this so you can live better now. Please live better, yeah? If you don't promise me that I don't know if I can survive. I'll have so much gray hair because of thi-”

He interrupts him, with a kiss. Xiumin is right, he can live better now. He has to get used to the circumstances. He has to get used to being a lone wolf. But instead of feeling alone, he can be sure that someone loves him while he does what's best for himself. Someone who loves him back.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I've been listening to the entire "beneath the skin" album by of monsters and men while writing this~ 
> 
> I take KPop related prompts for one shots like this one! If you'd like anything, stop by in the comments, request it and I'll see what I can do!


End file.
